Waiter, Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.

Use with care.

Dear Friends (especially dads):

There are several ways to use the following list of snappy comebacks.

Try a different joke the next 20 times you have soup at home. Organize a comedy workshop assigning punchlines to your favorite silly third grader and 19 friends. Perhaps, do an analytical review of humor with your family. Read each punchline out loud, discuss, and vote which is funniest and why. I’d love to hear your vote.

1. Quiet sir, all the other diners will want one.
2.  Don’t worry, he won’t eat much.
3.  Don’t worry, we won’t charge you extra for it.
4.  What do you expect for 85 cents, a beetle?
5.  Sir, didn’t you see the sign that clearly stated, “No pets allowed!”
6.  No I believe that’s a vitamin bee. This is a health food restaurant.
7.  Hmmm? That’s strange, he was supposed to be in your salad.
8.  Oh dear, the frog must have missed it.
9.  Oh dear, he must have committed insecticide.
10. Oh, no. Who will look after his family?
11. Don’t worry sir, the spider on your breadstick will soon take care of it.
12. Yes, he’s practicing the backstroke for the insect olympics.
13. No sir, that’s a cockroach.The fly is on your baked potato.
14. That’s not possible sir. The cook used them all in the raisin bread.
15. My apologies. I must have missed him when I picked out the other three.
16. Of course, sir. It’s fly soup.
17. Of course, sir. That’s how we lured the turtle into the soup pot.
18. So sorry. You ordered Cream of Mosquito, didn’t you?
19. Don’t worry sir, the goldfish will eat him before you know it.
20. Well quick, throw him a Cheerio so he won’t drown.

Warning: Please do not use any part of these jokes in a fancy restaurant, especially in an attempt to get free soup.

And if you or your kids have a better punchline, I’d love to hear it.

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