Verbalize Dreams

Husbands or wives . . . can you imagine yourself saying:

“I think I want to quit work and stay home with the kids.”
“I’m thinking about writing a book.”
“Let’s spend next summer in Paris.”
“I need to sleep in this weekend.”
“I need to get my degree.”
“I think we’re being called to be foster parents.”
“We should do a podcast.”
“What if we did that mission trip with the Navigators?”
“Would it be weird if I built a boat?”
“What if we both took early retirement and moved to Saugatuck?” 
“Let’s have another baby.” 

Can you share those dreams right out loud with your life partner?

Too many married individuals keep their dreams unspoken. That’s a red flag. And a lost opportunity.

Harboring secret dreams can actually be divisive to your marriage. You’re plotting and planning ways to make your dream come true, and when you’re ready to take action, your husband or wife says, “What? Where did that come from?”

Then you become resentful and argumentative. Which isn’t quite fair, right? You’ve been thinking about this for months or years. And your spouse heard it for the first time fourteen seconds ago.

The best recommendation is to kick around dreams early and often. Even dreams that are silly, ambitious, or impossible. The result will be a great conversation. Or a reality check. Or an unexpected new idea that spins off your idea and eventually comes true.

Or maybe your spouse has been thinking the exact same thing. And you both quit your jobs and open that mo-ped rental business in Boca Raton.  

Let me know how that conversation goes.

As for me, if it wasn’t for Rita Anne, I’d be living in a van down by the river.  She has challenged me to chase my dreams since the day we met back in 1974 in the library at St. Charles High School.

(Check out my five books on marriage.  For husbands, wives, couples, newlyweds, and grandparents!)




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